Two months ago, I had my first term break and my Malaysian friends came up with the idea of one day trip to Newcastle. There were many beautiful attractions in that city and the last one we visited was Nobby’s Beach. Although I have visited several beaches in Sydney, this one radiated slightly deeper tranquility. I walked with an empty head through the pathway alongside the shore. There was nothing in my brain but admiration for the scenery. It has been a while since the last time I mindfully looked at the surrounding. Hence, it's safe to say that that evening was quite a memorable walk for me. 

At that moment, Maghrib prayer time arrived. Immediately, my friend and I approached the cold ocean water and performed ablution (wudhu). Using Google’s qibla finder, we figured out that we’d perform our prayer facing the beautiful lighthouse. After finished, we just silently sat and stared at the expanse of sand. The white phare was sparkling from far away. It was such a magical moment where I deeply reflected and thought about life.

During the first month in the Emerald City, I recalled feeling a tad uneasy about performing prayer. At the campus, I shall go search for a “safe space” to perform it or walk a long way to the religious center. To perform ablution, I needed to lift my legs to the sink, which made me worried to be perceived as weird. I remember feeling rather jittered when I perform prayer in public spaces, uncomfortable with people's stares. Everything was a brand new feeling for me who can perform it with no hassle back in Indonesia.

Later I remembered a conversation I had with my dad back then when I was very young. We had finished performing the Maghrib prayer and sat in the prayer room waiting for Isha time. When the time arrived, I said to him, “Shall I do ablution again? I believe there was nothing that invalidated my ablution but who knows I might forget or something else.”

“What’s so hard about doing an ablution, Im? Even a simple act like ablution is counted and rewarded by Allah. Every effort you put for Allah matters.” He advised. “Therefore, do your best for Allah.”

It reminded me that I should always put my best when it comes to my observance. I shall put aside my excuses and make my best attempt--and in the case where I've already put my best and that’s still much lacking, He is the all-forgiving. However, first, I need to put my best efforts into Him.

I remember one time when I was afraid that people in the street would stare at me praying, I decided to pray sitting. I defended myself that this might be the highest effort I can provide. However, verily that was not me giving my all. Accordingly, it is ironic that I haven’t tried my best yet asking Him to send all the good things to my life. What a shame that I couldn’t even perform the most important ritual properly yet think that I deserve a flowery fate.  

What’s my excuse for not performing prayer properly when even people in the war zone, with disabilities,  in extreme poverty, etc could perform it appropriately? What’s my excuse to feel discouraged to perform prayer in public spaces when even during the period when Prophet and his companions were afraid that they would be attacked, they still performed it one after the other? Where is my gratefulness for this perfectly-functioned body, decent life, and peaceful situation? 

I stared at the beautiful beacon, with the peaceful calming sound of the beach in my ears and tears covered my eyes. As a woman full of excuses ‘’I don’t think I can”, “Shall I take the easy road?”, and “No need to put more effort as this is also acceptable”, I reflected on this mistake of mine. As a Muslim, I know I thoroughly lacked perseverance. I had too many sins that might put me in a position of not deserving anything good. Nevertheless, He still bestowed me His mercy and favors. 

Lost track of time, the sky gradually turned black. My heart felt warm on this cold seashore due to the thankfulness for this experience of becoming a minority. I appreciated how my love for Allah has grown through difficult times. I stared again at the radiant lighthouse, this time with a smile. As the lighthouse guides mariners, thank You for always guiding me. Alhamdulillah.

Love,

iim

source: thewarsan.com

Beberapa hari yang lalu, seorang sahabat bercerita bahwa dia ingin sekali mendapatkan sertifikasi CIA. Bagi sebagian besar orang di dunia audit internal, memiliki gelar Certified Internal Auditor (CIA) memang adalah harapan yang disimpan dalam hati untuk suatu saat diperjuangkan. Tidak terhitung berapa kali orang-orang menyapa saya di LinkedIn maupun blog untuk menceritakan impian ini (dan saya tersenyum turut mendoakan). 

“Tapi ujiannya aja mahal banget. Uangnya dari mana ya,” ujarnya lirih di seberang telepon.

(For Bahasa version, please scroll down. | Versi bahasa Indonesia tersedia di bawah.)

source: weheartit.com

Manifesting “amor fati” (love of fate): an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one’s life, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary1.

“O, Ibrahim! Where are you going leaving us (Hajar and Ismail) on this valley where none and nothing seen?” Hajar repeated her question as Ibrahim didn’t look back at her. “Has Allah ordered you to do so?” Hajar finally changed her question. 

Ibrahim, without turning his body, nodded.

“Then He (Allah) will not neglect us.” She said.

Many days ago, I suddenly remember a piece of story where Ibrahim AS left Hajar and his son, Ismail, behind in a deserted valley. It was grievous for both Ibrahim and his wife but the two earnestly believed in Allah’s decree. Ibrahim steadily continued his steps away and Hajar serenely stayed. Whenever I feel down, I tend to think that Allah neglects me (seriously I know He doesn’t but there are days where my mind gets blurry because of the adversity I go through. Pardon me, Allah). And what made me feel that somebody slapped my face is that story above-mentioned: Allah will not neglect me. Allah will never abandon his servants. (A similar story is around the Hudaibiyyah Treaty where Prophet Muhammad PBUH said: "I’m the messenger of Allah and He will never neglect me forever").

This particular family has taught me to have full confidence in Allah’s will. And by full confidence I mean, even when the order to slaughter Ismail came, both the dad and son instantly nodded. Even though they couldn’t decipher the meaning behind the command, they weren't in doubt about obediently doing it. It feels so unnatural to see humans wholeheartedly give in to whatever fate befalls but this family is exemplary. They served as an example of the peace of mind to every predestination. Not because it didn’t torture their hearts but they had faith in His wisdom to put them in such a situation. They were at ease because they knew for whatever happened in this universe, The Wisest One decided it for them.

In the philosophy world, we know the term “amor fati” and Islam has “ridho (be pleased) to Allah’s will”. Those two phrases exude the same vibe: feeling entirely content with fate. That even if you can choose your own fate, you still want the exact same one as what had been decided. Talking about amor fati, Friedrich Nietzs stated: that someone wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Someone still wants their settled fate even if they have the right to pick it by themselves. That one does not just accept Allah’s decision, he/she respects it. It’s not that they passively surrender to life (as Daily Stoic said: acceptance isn't passive), they actively love it. It’s not succumbing--it’s embracing life even if it’s not what they've dreamed. 

It's common knowledge that everyone wants (only) a good fate. I sincerely want it too. But life works in such an unfathomable way: there are many times life does not go our way. Sometimes good things do not happen even when we thought we deserve them. Favorable results aren’t guaranteed even after we put a lot of effort. Hard work doesn’t always be followed with success as no one can ascertain what you will get. It could be that we are so determined to move forward and still in the same place after a while. We could be kind yet life keeps bringing us down. Life inherently isn’t completely rational and fair. We can’t live peacefully if we keep wanting everything to work our way. So, after putting in our best effort and pray, let Allah handle the rest.

And also, rest assured that even though some things won’t work our way, some won’t be disloyal to us. Cherish both :)

We all know that the practice of loving fate isn’t a walk in the park. I know it sounds so unrealistic to smile at everything in life. But the pains, the failures, the sadness, the tears, the bruises—we can appreciate instead of hate them. I’m not saying that we can easily love those “seemingly” (as we don’t know, maybe what we thought is bad is actually good and vice versa) negative things but we can try. Please give it a try. You know why? Because that way, we can focus on the good things that exist in our days. Because that way, our hearts would feel tranquil as we know that everything happens, maybe it's meant to happen for our good, so we should embrace them warmly. And ultimately, because we know this too is a decision of The One Who Loves You. This too is Allah’s decision. He will never neglect us.

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INI JUGA ADALAH KETETAPAN ALLAH

Mewujudkan "amor fati" (cinta terhadap takdir): sikap di mana seseorang melihat segala sesuatu yang terjadi dalam hidupnya, termasuk penderitaan dan kehilangan, sebagai hal yang baik atau setidaknya diperlukan1.

"Oh, Ibrahim! Ke mana kamu akan pergi meninggalkan kami (Hajar dan Ismail) di lembah yang tidak ada seseorang dan sesuatu pun terlihat?” Hajar mengulangi pertanyaannya karena Ibrahim tidak kunjung melihat ke arahnya. “Apakah Allah telah memerintahkanmu untuk melakukan ini?” Hajar akhirnya mengubah pertanyaannya

Ibrahim, tanpa menoleh, mengangguk.

"Maka Dia (Allah) tidak akan menelantarkan kami." Hajar berkata.

Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya tiba-tiba teringat potongan kisah di mana Ibrahim AS meninggalkan Hajar dan putranya, Ismail, di lembah terpencil. Hal tersebut menelangsakan Ibrahim dan istrinya tetapi keduanya sepenuhnya percaya pada ketetapan Allah. Ibrahim dengan mantap melanjutkan langkahnya dan Hajar dengan tenang bertahan. Setiap kali merasa sedih, saya cenderung berpikir bahwa Allah menelantarkan saya (saya tahu Dia tidak akan melakukannya tetapi ada hari di mana pikiran menjadi kabur sebab kesulitan yang saya alami. Maafkan saya, Allah). Dan yang membuat saya merasa seseorang menampar wajah saya adalah cerita di atas: Allah tidak akan menelantarkanku. Allah tidak akan pernah meninggalkan hamba-Nya. (cerita serupa ada di saat Perjanjian Hudaibiyyah di mana Nabi Muhammad SAW berkata: "Saya utusan Allah dan Dia tidak akan pernah menyia-nyiakan saya selamanya").

Keluarga ini mengajari saya untuk memiliki keyakinan utuh pada kehendak Allah. Dan yang dimaksud kepercayaan penuh tersebut adalah bahkan ketika perintah untuk menyembelih Ismail datang, ayah dan anak itu langsung mengangguk. Meskipun mereka tidak memahami arti di balik perintah itu, tidak ada keraguan untuk melakukannya dengan patuh. Rasanya tidak wajar bukan melihat manusia dengan sepenuh hati menyerah pada nasib apa pun yang menimpa tetapi keluarga ini adalah teladan. Mereka menjadi contoh pikiran yang damai menerima setiap suratan. Bukan karena takdir tidak menyiksa hati tetapi mereka mengimani kebijaksanaan-Nya untuk menempatkan mereka dalam setiap situasi. Mereka merasa nyaman mengetahui apa pun yang terjadi di alam semesta, Dzat yang Mahabijak yang memutuskannya untuk mereka.

Dalam dunia filsafat, kita mengenal istilah "amor fati" dan Islam memiliki "ridho (senang) atas kehendak Allah". Kedua frasa itu memancarkan aura yang sama: merasa sepenuhnya puas dengan takdir. Bahwa meskipun kita dapat memilih nasib sendiri, kita tetap menginginkan yang sama persis seperti yang telah diputuskan. Berbicara tentang amor fati, Friedrich Nietzs menyatakan: bahwa seseorang tidak ingin ada yang berbeda, tidak ke depan, tidak ke belakang, tidak selamanya. Seseorang masih menginginkan suratan yang telah ditentukan seandainya pun memiliki hak untuk menentukannya sendiri. Seseorang tidak hanya menerima keputusan Allah, dia juga menghormatinya. Bukan pasif menyerah pada kehidupan (seperti yang dikatakan Daily Stoic: penerimaan tidaklah pasif) tetapi mereka secara aktif menyukainya. Bukan pasrah tetapi merangkul kehidupan bahkan sekalipun bukan yang mereka inginkan.

Sudah menjadi rahasia umum bahwa setiap orang menginginkan (hanya) nasib baik. Saya juga sungguh-sungguh menginginkannya. Tetapi hidup bekerja dengan cara yang tak terduga: ada banyak masa kehidupan tidak berjalan sesuai keinginan kita. Terkadang hal-hal baik tidak terjadi bahkan ketika kita pikir kita pantas mendapatkannya. Hasil yang menyenangkan tidak terjamin bahkan setelah kita berusaha keras. Bekerja keras tidak selalu diikuti dengan kesuksesan karena tidak ada yang bisa memastikan apa yang akan kita dapatkan. Bisa jadi kita begitu bertekad untuk maju dan tetap di tempat yang sama setelah beberapa saat. Bisa jadi kita sudah berusaha menjadi baik tetapi hidup terus-menerus melempar kesulitan-kesulitan pada kita. Hidup pada dasarnya tidak sepenuhnya rasional dan adil. Kita tidak bisa hidup dengan tenang jika kita terus menginginkan semuanya berjalan sesuai keinginan kita. Jadi, setelah berusaha dan berdoa semaksimal mungkin, biarkan Allah yang menanganinya.

Dan juga, yakinlah bahwa meskipun beberapa hal tidak berjalan sesuai keinginan, beberapa tidak mengkhianati kita. Hargai keduanya :)

Kita semua tahu bahwa praktik mencintai takdir bukanlah ibarat berjalan-jalan di taman. Saya tahu sangat tidak realistis rasanya tersenyum pada segala hal dalam hidup. Namun, rasa sakit, kegagalan, kesedihan, air mata, luka— kita bisa menghargai alih-alih membencinya. Saya tidak mengatakan bahwa kita dapat dengan mudah mencintai hal-hal yang "tampaknya" (kita tidak tahu, mungkin apa yang kita anggap buruk sebenarnya baik dan sebaliknya) negatif tetapi kita bisa mencoba. Mari mencoba. Mengapa? Karena dengan begitu, kita bisa berfokus pada hal-hal baik yang ada di hari-hari kita. Sebab dengan demikian, hati kita akan merasa damai mengetahui bahwa atas segala sesuatu, mungkin itu terjadi untuk kebaikan kita, sehingga kita bisa memeluknya erat. Dan tentunya, karena kita tahu ini juga adalah keputusan dari Dzat Yang Mencintaimu. Ini juga adalah keputusan Allah. Dia tidak akan pernah menelantarkan kita.

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1wikipedia.com